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Thread: Monologue to story/stories

  1. #1

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    Monologue to story/stories

    I have written a monologue and I have planned a few stories in mind to go around the monologue as a whole. Below is the monologue that I have written and underneath that is the link to my planning of the story/stories.

    Have I lost it? Will I ever see it again? Is all this in my mind? Am I dreaming? No I am not! That has just happened. All my creative, beautiful, mindless creations otherwise known as my artwork has been lost in this crazy, emotional, stormy sea. Will I ever see it again? I wonder, will anyone recognise my masterpieces and come looking for me? Everyone I know thinks that I get distracted easily but I am just letting my creative mind take over my lonely life. In other words I do get distracted easily with my creative mind only because of my job which I may say that you have already probably guessed it. I am an artist who is twenty five years old. I say that art is my life’s work because to me art is not a hobby it’s an amazing talent who I must say I learned it off my father who unfortunately got lost at sea just like my artwork has. My father might even recognise my artwork and come back to me after he has been gone for five years. Will he ever come back? Before I start letting my mind start taking over me again I have better introduce myself. My name is Hope-lei and as I have already said I think I am twenty five years old. I also love arts and crafts as you can tell because I am an artist. I don’t really like anything else except for all kinds of things I can draw or do arts and crafts with so maybe I do like everything. Unfortunately I do know which I just try not to think about is that everybody thinks that I am disliked because none of them like arts and crafts in this crazy town that I live in but … they are wrong! I am letting you into a secret which no one else should know. The only people that knows this is me and the other person that my mind is telling me to talk about. This other person does art in their spare time which no one else knows about because everyone thinks she is always working even at night. We both sit by the tall, striped, lovely lighthouse underneath the curtain of night drawing it and landscapes wondering where our life will take us.

    “Hello Love,”

    Dad is that you talking to me or am I imaging it. I’m going to look around for you because I miss you.

    “Yes it’s your dad love,”

    Where are you? I’m looking around for you but I can’t find you I can only hear you. Can you come back as I need you to help me?

    “You don’t love; you are doing fine by yourself.”

    Am … am I really dad, why won’t you come home? If not for me come home because I feel isolated without you and we need your expertise on the development of the new houses they are going to build. They need your designs by tomorrow if they want them done in time.

    “I’m not coming back love!”

    I do and will believe that you will come back even though you said you won’t

    “Trust me love, I’m not coming back.”

    Why can’t we be alone together just the two of us in a new place away from people just the two of us.

    Silence occurs

    Dad? Dad?

    Silence occurs again

    Where are you? Where have you gone? Oh mind you have got to stop playing tricks on me. You need to because he died when he got lost at sea. My dad isn’t going to come back, the plans for the new houses isn’t real. Thanks very much mind I now feel heartbroken and lost because of you. Mind please your making me remember the past the bad parts of the past. You need to stop because I need to move away from the past and look forward to the future. I need to think about ideas for my next arts and craft project not the past even though today has reminded me of it but I can always redo it all.


    This is the link to the story planning https://drive.google.com/open?id=1gL...1Gk-apAv5IahBW

    I hope you enjoy reading this and the planning. Any suggestions and feedback are welcomed

  2. #2
    Thank you Tiffy.

    I would suggest turning the monologue into a Prologue. Please consider breaking it up into more paragraphs - after all, a monologue is supposed to be spoken, and that means pauses for effect.

    Possibly too many rhetorical questions at the start - try three, and see what happens.

    I like the hint that someone else knows the narator's secret - although I do think that needs developing.

    Nice that the father speaks to the narrator. May I suggest putting a bit more background in - remember,show not tell. Is the narrator on her own when her father speaks to her? Where is she? At the lighthouse,absorbed in her artwork, or somewhere else? Perhaps a lonely spot, where she watches the boats come in and out of the harbour . . a place where the open weather means she is closer to him. Where her miind relives memories and her imagination makes those memories seem real once more?

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  3. #3
    (Moon)'s Avatar
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    Ooh, this is intriguing. Good suggestions, Dragon. Not a lot to add to that. Lol. Perhaps a few less Tropes or introduce them slower?
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  4. #4

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    Never heard of a prologue
    Don't know where is best to split into paragraphs
    The secret is the next part to be explored when character goes to see the person
    Narrator by herself when talking to her dad
    Narrator is in a room with a sea view but as the window was open to help dry the artwork as some was still wet that's how the artwork got lost at sea
    Relives some of the memories when going to find artwork as map mysteriously turns up in replace of a piece of art work that went missing the next day

    The dad is a figure of imagination and the other person (secret) is going to be introduced soon as trying to figure out how to do this. I might do this the next day when the map appears.

  5. #5
    Gennysis's Avatar
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    Okay, so a lot of questions and some pointers.

    1. That first big chunk is not a monologue. It is closer to prose poetry or a character building tool where you imagine your character writing a letter. This works to deepen your character, but it is not something that appears in the book. With some editing you could make it the start of the book, but I think it will lose the poetic parts of it that make it nice.

    2. You are writing in first person. This is fine for a short story, but from your plot you are writing a full book (though your thoughts need expanding on) and it is very tiring to wirite first for that lenght of time. Concider switching to thrid person. You will find it much easier.

    1st: I did this. - Good for poetry, short stories and letters. Speaking is of course first person.

    2nd: You do this. - Rarely seen, but used in stories where you choose the path you take. (example: if you choose the left path turn to page 143, if you choose the right path turn to page 96)

    3rd: Hope did this/she did this

    3. That conversation with the figment dad is fine, but needs some editing. You've put the dad's speech in speech marks, which makes him appear real and her fake, when it would be much better in italics, which would imply it was in her mind.

    Hello Love.
    "Dad is that you talking to me or am I imaging it. I’m going to look around for you because I miss you."
    Yes, it’s your dad love.
    "Where are you? I’m looking around for you but I can’t find you I can only hear you. Can you come back as I need you to help me?"
    You don’t love; you are doing fine by yourself.
    "Am … am I really dad, why won’t you come home? If not for me come home because I feel isolated without you and we need your expertise on the development of the new houses they are going to build. They need your designs by tomorrow if they want them done in time."
    I’m not coming back love!
    "I do and will believe that you will come back even though you said you won’t."
    Trust me love, I’m not coming back.
    "Why can’t we be alone together just the two of us in a new place away from people just the two of us."

    I've not changed anything but the format, but you see the difference?

    4. why does your descpription say their skin is red? none of that info is required unless their skin is literally a strange colour. same with stating thyat peoples eyes are evil.

    5. Is lei their last name/family name? It shouldn't be said eveytime and putting a - means it is a double barrel first name like mary-kate or leigh-anne. it would be weird for the family to all have the same double barrel ending unless this is some fictional world with different naming conventions.

    on this same note isn't it a bit strange to have the grandad calleed devil-lei? devil is not a first name, or even a second. If you are trying to make him out to be bad character then you should do it more subtly. As dragon said: show don't tell. this is true of your comment on the eyes as well.


    I'll leave it at this for now, as mum wants her computer back lol and I don't want to bombard you. The premise is fine, just work on the story board more before getting too into the writing itself or you'll end up having to do more editing later. Ultimately it's your story and you should write in a way that you are comfortable with.

  6. #6

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    Thanks Gennysis there is a lot to take in and do so I have a lot to figure out and think about.

    I am happy for all the feedback I have been given and I enjoy reading more feedback as I go along with the story and have peoples input to improve my skills and knowledge when writing ect.

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